its only a little blood...

MANIAC
key points about the movie:
released:1980
country of origin: usa
starring: joe spinell
directed by: william lustig
if you're on the fence about whether or not to see this movie, there is just one thing you have to ask yourself: do you want to see special effects master tom savini kill himself for once?

in the early 80s a maniac is recking havoc on new york. he has 6 known victims. what the press doesnt know is that he is frank zito, a man obsessed with keeping a piece of his victims forever! mannequins play a key part in the movie. be warned if they freak you out, much like clowns, or dendrophiliacs.. this movie is entirerally quotable and has a great sense of dark humor, whether intential or not is a different story all together.

best quote: (although they are all good)

They're all the same. I know what they're like. Just because I can't do the things you do doesn't mean I don't see it all the same. "Fancy shmansy," and what are we supposed to do? Sit and smile and say "yes Miss, no miss, not now miss, whatever you say miss?" I know how it is with their hairs and their looks and they... they drive man crazy!

-frank zito

9.5 out of 10

you also get to see the footage from the 'sequel', maniac 2: mr robbie. on some versions of the vhs/dvd. it would have been a great movie, maybe even better than the first, but sadly joe spinell died suddenly during the making of it, this short short clip is also very quotable

-dan

i am the nigghhhhtttt riderrrrrr

the toecutter, he knows me

MAD MAX
key points about the movie:
released:1979
country of origin: australian
starring: mel gibson
directed by: george miller
if you're on the fence about whether or not to see this movie, there is just one thing you have to ask yourself: what is more manly than car chases, bikes, outlaw gangs, and a piss load of leather?

rob halfords wet dreams have nothing on this movie, plenty of dudes in leather running around like they're cock of the walk
i know one young polish boy who constantly tries to have hand sex with himself whenever this movie is on.
but we stop him... usually... stained my goddam couch

max rockatansky (gibson) is the main fArce patrols top highway man, he kills a man during pursuit known as the night rider (see above) who is part of a large gang of bikers/outlaws. the outlaws gang try to break down max's world by killing 3 of his loved ones. this drives max insane and he goes for revenge...

9.8 out of 10 (for a low budget movie, id say thats a pretty kick ass rating)

best quote:
I'm scared, Fif. It's that rat circus out there, I'm beginning to enjoy it. Look, any longer out on that road and I'm one of them, a terminal psychotic, except that I've got this bronze badge that says that I'm one of the good guys.
-max

-dan

EASTER

well the day is all up ons
so i will now spin the tale of why easter is the way it is

first off, easter bunnies, where the helllll did they come from? well it all started in Golgotha, on that faintful hill where jesus was nailed up, ya see, that hill was infested with rabbits, yes thats right, where the hell do you think they planted in the cross? they didnt have shovels in that day and the roman empire was going through a slave drought, too much killin of them is what was happenin, so rabbit holes seemed to fit the bill rather well. so to commemorate those brave saint rabbits who gave their lives for jesus, we eat them, in chocolate form

now why chocolate, well the brown of chocolate is the same colour as the wood used in the making of the cross, i believe they used a palm, no northern pine or oak for them, just straight ass up palm

then we move on to ham, thats to stick it to the jews and be like, 'fuck you im gunna eat pork, num num num'. it also is sometimes associated with the roman guards that arrested the big man, see he was just rollin down in south central and they was all throwin looks and breakin their necks bc jesus was listenin to fuck tha police by NWA, plus judas called em sayin he was all makin meth in his closet, which was later proven false by archaeologists.

and lastly eggs, thats easy, jesus and the coronal from KFC are homies in heaven so jesus was all like 'yo sanders, lets have an egg fight.' so they did but then judas came in and started tossin hard boiled eggs and jesus was zappin them with his magical wizard skills, but since he didnt eat breakfast yet, it wasnt at full strength so he only pushed them away and turned em colours, a few happened to fall to ERF and humans discovered them and were like, 'hmm its a sign from above'

im not an expert on the subject, but im pretty sure thats how it went
-dan

brett favre

R.I.P.
retire in peace

i dont even know what to say...



truly a day that will live in infamy

-dan

the end times is near

so all you religious freaks and fanatics got it right, the end times is upon us, snow in the desert, sin running amuck and the holiest day of the year, superbowl sunday, welcomed the arrival of the antichrist, one eli 'shortbus' manning
thank you for all the texts and such saying, "HOW DOES IT FEEL THAT YOUR TEAM WENT DOWN!!" and "PATS SUCK TAKE THAT ASSHOLE" to you people, all i have to say is, you are retarded, my team lost 2 weeks ago, THE PACKERS, i can see how you took a quo from shortbus and thought bc the first two letters, PA, are the same in both teams that they are in fact the same team, well get your notepads out and your safety goggles and safety pencils... THE PACKERS AND THE PATRIOTS are NOT the same team
seeing as we passed that obstacle of higher learning, on to more pressing matters, best stated by my brother, Harry:

"This only adds to the steady decline of the world.
I can only say since around 1900 the world has been in a downward spiral.
Just think about it.
Women can vote.
The elderly can still drive.
And illegal Polish people can still find apartments in Wallington.
Now not only has a "special person" been on a superbowl winning team,
he quarterbacked it. And you guessed it, the very handi-capable Eli Manning was the games MVP.
What else is to come?
The dead are going to rise, God is going to come down in the form of something shitty like a crab, people are gunna say Hitler was an alright guy, hell, Hilary could be our next president if this keeps up.
So thank you Giants, not only did you beat my team, the Packers and the nfl's representation of the city where my heart lays, Boston,
but now you've destroyed my faith in Tom Brady, the Nfl, and Mankind.
(Furthermore) Because of this blasphemy I would like to announce my retirement.
I would like to thank the NFL for 17 great years worth of my Sundays.
This does not mean I am leaving the Packers, I will still be an avid fan, but i will not watch any NFL action they are not participating in.
This seems like an over-reaction, but when Eli "short bus" Manning was named MVP my nuts felt like they had a hammer dropped on them off of a tree house, its happened, I know the feeling.
So thank you NFL, Paul Tagliblue, Roger Goodell, and all the sports casters over the years, excluding Gumble and Chris Collinsworth.
My sundays once meant something, but will now be full of nothing."
(the views expressed above are not necessarily those shared by the author of this blog)

i am going to second this retirement, but extend my curiosities to the seahawks, aka the packers' kid brother (think about it), and the chargers as well, although they will be only to occupy time on sunday afternoons and support will be nowhere near the support for green bay, this also means, next season, i will be ordering the nfl games package, whatever the hell its called, and every packers game will be able to be watched at my home, so all you packers fans, you have a sanctuary in my home on game day

this goes out to all you giants "fans" (with help from Harry):

"yes you with your fresh NFC champions Shirt,
i have some questions for you.
Where were you week 1? or 2? or 3?
certainly when the giants were down in the 3rd quarter against the packers at the meadowlands, a mass exodus occurred and you went to the parking lot to drown your sorrows in a bottle of fine, frosty, light, low calorie beer
All of you saying 'Yes! Tom Coughlin will be out and well have a chance next year.' and '0-2 could be good, we lose our coach and get a nice early draft pick.'
then 2 weeks ago as that 3rd field goal attempt was begin kicked, all you thought was 'god hes gunna miss another one.' But then when it was good you all said 'I knew he had it in him all along.'

and then there is the 'fans' who didn't give a fuck about football until about 3 weeks ago.
youre the bane of the sports world. 'GIANTS ARE GUNNA WIN!!!' id hear that and think, this person has not spoken a word of football this season, or in fact, ever, what the hell are you basing this assumption on?
now if the giants lost, all would have most likely said 'Oh i dont care i dont even really like football'
im sure ill see you all wearing giants gear saying oh ive been with them since the start.
even though you werent"

2 people get my congrats, dani k and jeremy, i know you were there for the giants from the start
-dan

sigh

well we fucked up, the packers arent going to the super bowl and neither am i, lameeeeeeeeeeeee
we had a really good season though
football fans everywhere we must now form like voltron and unite against the giants and support the pats, i dont care if you hate the pats, its better than seeing the giants win
hopefully, me and my bro will be taking a trip to green bay next season
on that note, this guy is my hero, my future children, watch out... http://www.channel3000.com/news/15063175/detail.html#
-dan

did you see bo dereks tits?

welllllll hellllooooooo dere yungggggg fellllaaaaaaaa

been a while, alot has been going on in my life right now, so i havent been able to update, happy new years by the way

saturday was a very happy day for me, the packers are going to the nfc championship game!!!! i felt like a little school girl hanging out with JT, oh and look at that, he has a wrapped present by his crotch, i wonder what could be in there

i had mixed feelings about sunday:
for 1 i was very happy that the chargers beat them sons of bitches, the colts, TAKE THAT MANNING! go make some funny commercials this off season, LT is saying he will play the championship game after an injury he received, but rivers is questionable as he hurt his knee in the game sunday, im not saying that the chargers were going to beat the pats, but their performance lead me to believe they had a chance

now onto the game that had me all sorts of out of wack
giants v cowboys
now, i hate both teams, very very much, but i was pulling for the giants this game, mainly bc i hate the cowboys more, and the fact that a giants win would give us homefield for the nfc championship game, which is whats going to happen
i was very very very very happy them slick faggots the cowboys lost, i almost dont feel badly at all that their post season dreams were crushed by a team thats all over the place like horse shit, esp at home, however, there is a shred of remorse, i feel bad for my friend aileen, cause she is a great person and comforted me when we lost to the cowboys, hearing me bitch and moan, not once rubbing it in my face

see you sunday!

ps i love the pix that espn put up for a first glance at the nfc game this weekend

a cool collective favre and...

an eli manning that looks like he just stepped off the short bus